Read Between The Lyme
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Lyme and Relationships
So, I have totally steered away from discussing and writing about the reality of trying to have a marriage, well any relationship really, while dealing with chronic Lyme disease. Why? Because it is TOUGH. In most cases, I feel like a failure and I feel guilty. I know, I know. It isn’t my fault I’m sick and I don’t choose to be sick. But still. All these feelings get tossed around. Many times, I feel like my husband and I just can’t speak the same language.
He’s been awesome, don’t get me wrong. But after 4 years of this illness and not a lot of progress, I think we are both just stuck in how to move forward. How to be more accepting of the chronicness of my illness, and then how to accomodate what comes along with it. We aren’t doing too great of a job, honestly.
I guess like Trump said about being president, “I thought it would be easier.” I thought figuring things out as a couple would be easier than it feels like right now. We are talking and discussing all kinds of things so I think that’s a good sign. But I’m still scared sh**less and freaked out about it all.
I don’t want to lose my husband and my best friend. I want it and US to work but I don’t have a clue what that might or should look like.
Any advice or wisdom you can share? It would be much appreciated!
Anyway friends, I hope your Sunday was and is a joyous one. Peace.
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HI there…I don’t have any great words of wisdom, but like any relationship, yours and your hubby’s will continue to change over time. Those wedding vows are being tested–in sickness and in health–I know for myself, I’ve had to learn to let things go that would normally bother me because at the end of it all, who REALLY cares if the kitchen floor has been washed or the laundry is all put away??? I was very guilt-ridden last year not being able to work or help around the house. My stamina has gotten better over time and I think just being open about things makes the situation tolerable. Don’t be hard on yourself; you’ll only make yourself more crazy!! And don’t be afraid to ask friends and family for help….I wish I had done that when I was really down and out last year!!
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Thank you for reading and for your kind words!! We are doing much better about chores. It’s more about doing things together. I’ve had severe fatigue the past 4-5 months and it’s taken a toll. I’m hoping we can make it. Take care friend xxoo
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Yes…divide and conquer…when I went back to work this fall, I made notes on the calendar to do 1 job each night…it made housecleaning a little less stressful on the weekends and not as cumbersome…I try to do little things like wipe out the bathroom sink when I’m done…and I delegate jobs to my daughter that she can handle as well. It’s not a bad idea to delegate!
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I am the one who feels guilty of being a burden with my debilitating chronic migraines. They’ve become an everyday issue and my husband of 38 years has stuck by me through all of this, but at times I think to myself ‘how the hell does he live with someone with a chronic illness’? I don’t really have any wisdom for you, and I suppose hubby would be better answering this, but I do feel guilty when the house is dirty, and he has to do all of the errands, take me to appointments and I sit in the house in pain, however feeling useless. My blog gives me a purpose of climbing out of bed in the morning, and my outing, if possible, is taking my doggie to do her thing outside the door. A true shut-in, no friends, just the odd appointment. It’s crappy. I feel for you with Lyme Disease and happy that you had it diagnosed. Stay strong. Hugs, Deb
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*hugs* My husband is a chronic Lyme sufferer. He had it a decade before he got meds. We are in our third year of marriage and while it is tough, I’d never leave him, especially not over health. I remember him being worried about that in the beginning. My best pieces of advice are to have a positive attitude as much as possible despite the circumstances for both of your sakes and when you just can’t, explain that you need the space to mourn your health.
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Life test us all, just some more than others. I always like to believe that those who are the strongest get tested the most. It sucks, it isn’t always fair, but that doesn’t mean that there won’t be good moments. Good moments will come, just keep hanging on a little bit longer. Stay strong and you should be proud that you didn’t give up on life.
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This is a tough one, because yours is a special case. But after 55 years of marriage I can only say to your husband: be patient. Presumably you have a support group — certainly on this blog — and this should help you both. It helps to talk about it and the tensions it brings to you two as a couple.
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I pray that your husband can feel the compassion and give the empathy and have the patience. We don’t have a choice. We have the disease. We can’t choose not to. But they can choose to love us through it and they should.
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