Has Autumn Arrived?

AutumnFor those of you up north, autumn arrived weeks ago, if not months ago! But here in the south, we have been waiting restlessly. Two weeks ago, it was still 90 degrees off and on. While we had a semi cool front, it sure didn’t stick around. But, this past week, temperatures at night have dropped to around 55, and in the daylight, it has only climbed to about 85 degrees. This is sheer heavenly weather, people!

So, this morning I was up by 6:30 – crazy, I know – brewed some coffee, then headed out to my little deck overlooking our mini pond. I took a stack of grading with me, but still, it was so beautiful outside. It was so very quiet and peaceful and honestly, it was just what the soul needed after battling through this past week. Thank you Mother Earth!

While it was a short week for us, every day felt like 2 combined into one. It really was that crazy. But it isn’t out of the ordinary, unfortunately. And, no matter how much I seem to get done on the weekend work-wise, I still feel overwhelmed almost every single day at work. Every time I think I have my head just above the water, something comes rushing in and I start to sink again. I am sure all of us have had this feeling at one time or another. It isn’t a good feeling, that’s for sure!

I take things off my plate. I delegate. I make lists. I ask for help. And still, I feel like things just keep coming at me, like bugs on a car windshield on a cool summer evening. I have reorganized, streamlined and outsourced. And still. Those damn bugs keep coming. In the past, my adrenaline would get me through, but I’m all out of that good stuff at this point. I only recently have felt even the twinge of a rush, and it didn’t last. Sure, I can push myself even harder, but then I just have to pay on the other side, in my personal life, which has already taken several hits in the past few years. Already, I come home from work wiped completely out, acting like Mr. Grumpy Pants. Pushing to get some chores done after the daily grind, you know little things like a laundry load and feeding the dogs, ultimately become humongous tasks, and my head and back start screaming for relief. Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful I still have my job, but at this point, I am wondering, is it helping or hindering my recovery?

My brain is going around and around about this. When I first started treatment, I knew I did not want to stop working. It kept the illusion of “everything is ok” in play for me. This has gone on for about 19 months now. And, I have made progress. Lately, though, I feel like I have hit a wall in my recovery, and I am nowhere near the finish line yet. I am trying to figure out then, what has to give in my overall world to make room for me to work on my health even more. Anyone else in this predicament? And if so, how are you going about making a decision?

I am in a quandary. But, there is no need to make any decision today. I am going to keep working outside as long as I can until it heats up. I am going to breath in deeply and relax. I am going to drink my coffee and ponder ABSOLUTELY nothing.

I hope you all are having a great weekend – B

10 thoughts on “Has Autumn Arrived?

  1. Louise October 19, 2014 / 2:00 pm

    I think still being able to work is both a blessing and a hindrance, it’s great that you still have a decent income but that comes at a high price for not getting the rest you need.

    Could you reduce your hours or responsibilities? Maybe take a side step into a slightly different area that allows you less hours, more flexibility or a good chunk of it working from home?

    Hope you figure something out. 🙂

    Louise

    Like

    • readbetweenthelyme October 19, 2014 / 5:16 pm

      Hi Louise! Yes, the income and the health insurance are a definite plus. Also, I feel like work keeps me from being a total nerdy hermit! 🙂 I do have an extra responsibility that involves a stipend, and I am considering handing it over to someone who has way more energy than myself. I think it would be good for me as well as for my organization. It is just hard to “give up” as I see it. I need to find a different way of looking at the situation. I heard a line on a T.V. show yesterday, “I’m not giving up, I’m giving in.” This may be my new motto! Thanks for your kind words. I hope you are doing well. -B

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  2. Katie October 19, 2014 / 3:31 pm

    I have been struggling with the same issue. I did change jobs but more because I had to. My old position had changed and neither side felt that I was the right match. I found a job that is supposed to be 32 hours but is almost always over 40. I have lost that second gear…the ability to kick it up a notch on busy days. If you do decide to change jobs you may want to also consider the initial burst of effort it takes to get up to speed.
    Good luck and please share if you come up with a good solution! 8)

    Like

    • readbetweenthelyme October 19, 2014 / 5:25 pm

      Hi Katie,
      Yes. I have no second gear! Great description. I only have 1st gear and sometimes, that is questionable. What I am thinking about doing is relinquishing an extra part of my position. It pays a stipend, although not megabucks, and I have done it for quite sometime, but it really is more than a bit of extra work and responsibility. If I felt better, I wouldn’t mind at all; in fact, I used to enjoy it. But now, after hanging on for a couple of years, I just feel like a change is needed. I have no idea if the change will help my health overall or not, but at this point, I feel like I have to at least try it. It would be less stress and less work so I can’t believe that wouldn’t be helpful in some way. How are you managing 40 hours a week? I ask because I am doing the same, but sometimes, when I wake up at 5:30 a.m., I really just want to give up! What inspires you to keep doing the do?

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      • Katie October 19, 2014 / 5:45 pm

        I work in healthcare and love being in a position to help others. I think going through this mess has made me better at it. I had a lovely lady with dementia comfort me one day when I forgot my whole train of thought when I was looking for the word to finish my sentence :).
        I need to figure out how much work is the right amount physically, mentally, and financially. I also think that if i stop pushing completely, then things will get worse. What do you do?

        Like

      • readbetweenthelyme October 19, 2014 / 6:55 pm

        I feel the same. I worry about not working, both financially and mentally. I am a teacher. So, I already have an advantage in that we have about 2 months off for summer. I work a little in the summer but still, I get to rest a lot. I still have stored up days I can use to take off as needed, but I only do this if I am feeling worse than normal. My other responsibility is running the department; we are about 42 people. This is the aspect I am looking at cutting first before making any other decisions about work. I think letting another take over is something that I need to do. At this point though, I am worried about disappointing my colleagues. Everyone has been very supportive and understanding. I guess I will have to get over that hurdle. I’m glad that your work is uplifting! I bet you have so many stories to tell! 🌝

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      • Katie October 19, 2014 / 7:38 pm

        Sounds like a good plan to try if you need to pull back. My last position did have management duties and it is nice to be able to focus on my core job and to cut the “to do” list down. Best of luck with it! 8)

        Liked by 1 person

  3. flowingthroughthefight October 19, 2014 / 10:43 pm

    I ended up having to quit. I teach yoga, but honestly the stress of not finding a reliable sitter was what drove me to it.

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    • readbetweenthelyme October 25, 2014 / 1:38 pm

      I’m so sorry you had to give up your work. The stress is a killer for sure. I don’t have children, but I can’t even imagine trying to balance the commitments to children and then also to work.

      Like

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