I think I may have mentioned before that I am in the process of accepting, or at least trying to accept, the fact that this disease is going to take a while to shake off. Not only am I struggling to come to terms with that, I am also struggling with the notion that this is a chronic condition (even though the CDC denies this fact). For me, there is a fine line between acknowledging the illness and embracing it. What I mean is that in my messed up brain, I feel like acknowledging that I do have chronic Lyme equals giving in. And, I am not a fan of that!
It is ridiculous, I know. Accepting does not equal giving in, but again, in my lymie brain, getting over the semantics of it seems to be a real challenge! Plus, I just read an article about Debbie Gibson in which she states that she doesn’t call her experience with Lyme Disease a battle, she calls it “overcoming” Lyme Disease. See here: http://www.people.com/article/debbie-gibson-lyme-disease-recovery. She says that referring to Lyme Disease as a battle gives it more power. Maybe. Maybe. So, I guess for me, maybe this is a similar conundrum.
Yes, there are bigger and more important fish to fry! But the reality is that I have been dealing with this disease for several years now. I spent about 4 years sick with no idea what was going on, and now I have spent another 21 months in treatment. Sometimes, it is difficult to think about all of this time spent “overcoming” this illness. Although, many people out there have suffered way longer than I have for sure. I just feel like the words I use in my self talk are really important. Do you feel this way? Or am I wasting time on something that really means nothing?
At first, when I started treatment, I did feel that it was a battle. But now, almost 2 years later, I feel battle weary. I was really hoping it would be a short war, and that I would be the victor! I bet we all had hoped this!! But here I am, years later and still, every day feels like I am fighting. Fighting to get up, to go to work, to make it through the work day…etc. I sure do not feel like I am overcoming anything! Lately, though, I have tried to just accept that indeed, getting up each day for work is a challenge, working all day is a challenge. I am trying to get my brain in sync with my body but without giving in.
Does any of this make any sense to anyone out there? Bottom line is that I know I need to accept this stage I am in more than I do right now so I can hopefully move forward and deal with life as it is right now a little better. But how do I acknowledge or accept where I am right now without feeling or thinking that I am giving in? Can anyone relate to this at all and if so, can you give me any suggestions/advice?
Wishing you all a pain free day. Peace-B
I can completely relate to your post. I went through a similar process (of accepting). I think you are on the right path and that this is one of the most important aspects of healing. The fact is, we got Lyme. We didn’t ask for it, it’s not our fault. It sucks. And there is nothing that we can do about the fact that we have Lyme. We can’t think it away, can’t cut it out, can’t take one specific medicine for two weeks and return to our healthier selves. So what are the alternative ways of thinking about it? We can feel defeated and “slain” or we can surrender and accept. Because the Lyme is gonna be there anyway. Acceptance says, “Yes, I have Lyme, it gives me a myriad of symptoms.” Acceptance is the acknowledgement that something is real and affecting you. Period. Take care.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for the comment! It sure is helping me today. I’m back in bed right now due to headache and body aches after a couple of days not so bad. Sometimes, I think I have accepted it all and then whamo! I feel back at square one. I guess it is all a learning process. You are so right that acceptance is saying that there is something real affecting us. Hope you have a pain free day, friend!
Who boy, what a great question/thought-to-ponder! When my symptoms flared up again this spring and I had to quit working, I often felt compelled to “be productive” while I was at home languishing. I quickly learned that I had to change my mind set and quit trying to do what I thought was expected. Case in point, I attempted to remove the wallpaper in my kitchen and ended up in the ER with heart attack like symptoms. And damn if I didn’t have my pretty panties on when the hunky ER doc wanted to check my abdomen.
Acceptance of your current situation is not an admission of defeat. It’s simply learning to live **in the present**. It’s okay to give yourself permission to recognize the reality of your situation. Obviously you are working to get better; you’re working to heal your mind, body and heart. While you are doing all that healing, however, you might consider feeding your soul, maybe by learning a new skill or hobby. While salsa dancing might be a little out of reach today, maybe photography or crocheting is just enough to give you something positive to focus on and help you feel, well, normal. Between YouTube and Craftsy I’ve taken up sewing. It lets me set the pace, allows me to focus my creativity into something productive and I don’t feel like I’m being held back by my illness.
Whatever you do, do it with flair 😉 -Gwen
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes Can Relate to You & Always Here if you Need to Talk.
I was Bite with Bullseye 1996 Misdiagnosed till 2002
Several Treatments & Grateful ” remissions ” from IV ABX then got MRSA 2007
Loss my legs so now bedridden & in wheelchair since Dec 2007
We loss everything of
Monetary value & most of all the loss of having our own babies
Yet We still Have Hope that one day we will All find an Answer to All
Vector borne Diseaeses that are crippling & destoyung so many lives
You are Brave Strong &
We Make It Together ,as Long as We Keep Our
Hope Faith that We All overcome each obstacle that hits us like a ton a of brinks without warning Roar
We Say & Keep moving
Fwd with all out LymeFamily.
So Kind of you to mention Debbie Gibsons Journey with LymeDisease
Sending you both
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much, Bella!