So I’ve been quite weepy this weekend. I’m not going to say I never cry, but for the most part, this is a rare occurrence. Basically, I cried some on the way home from work on Friday, cried myself to sleep last night and then, after my husband left for work this morning, I had a mini cry session. What the heck is going on?!?!
I would blame it on my cycle, but luckily, it isn’t that time. I would blame it on what someone said, but besides my husband, I haven’t been around anyone else. Nothing happened at work to spark this; in fact, Friday was a good day teaching-wise. No event, no conversation, no outside force has caused this. Maybe it s hormones affected by the Lyme? Maybe a release of anxiety?
I don’t know, but whatever it is, it is making me feel very depressed. I can only seem to focus on the negative. I’m questioning my treatment, my sanity, my work and my relationships. Right now, I feel like the world is closing in on me. I am worried, exhausted, and stressed. Things like this are running through my head right now: Should I change my treatment? Should I try to cut down at work, somehow, someway? And if I can do this, will it make any difference at all? Or will I go another 2 years, seeing some improvement, but “not quite enough”? Can I even make it another year like this? At half capacity? Dragging myself through each day? Losing the joy for life chip by chip? As per the Indigo Girls, been feeling like these lines, ” We’re sculpted from birth/ the chipping away make me weary,/ and as for the truth/ seems like we just pick a theory.”
Struggling to stay positive, I think to myself, “so many other people out there have it worse that you!” I know this in my heart, but right now, I am being self-centered and feeling sorry for myself. I’m in a dark and lonely place right now, and I just have to own it. Embrace the feelings and move on. For today, I am in a full embrace and it’s hard to let go.
I hope you all are having a better day than I. Adding a pic of my favorite actor of all time….enjoy! Peace -B
Thanks for Spreading the LOVE!!!
Category: The PresentTags: anxiety, chronic lyme, crying, decisions, depression, exhaustion, Paul Newman, stress, treatment, work, worry
Driving alone and prior to going to sleep were my big rumination periods during the worst of my depression. Don’t be afraid to just ask your husband to comfort you every now and then. It was strange to put it to words with my wife, but it did actually help now and then.
Keep struggling, it will pay off eventually.
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Hi Caronbot! Thank you for the suggestion. I have had minimal depression before but now, with the chronic illness added, it is more than I have ever experienced, and I guess I am struggling. I did talk to my husband as you suggested and yes, it definitely helped. Thanks again. And thanks for reading. Peace.
Did I write this post? It’s so how is been feeling lately. Does this ever end?
🙂 well, it finally let up for me Wednesday. So yes, hang in there!
The Lyme/co-infections definitely make me have “easy tearfulness”. I have cried more since I got Lyme than I have since I was a kid and I am not one who normally cries. It sucks and it’s hard to deal with but it makes me feel a little better knowing that it’s the Lyme causing it and I am NOT going crazy. Blame it on the Lyme. 🙂
I’m glad I am not the only one! I have never been like this before. I think I cried every day last week for one reason or another. Thank you for sharing this with me. Honestly, it’s nice to know I’m not alone. Stupid Lyme!!
Yeah, you’re definitely not alone. I even tagged the posts with “emotions” where I wrote about it. Go read them if you want to know how the emotional stuff hits me 🙂
OMG. I just read some of your posts. Yes! Random for me as well! It just feels weird because it isn’t normal at all for me to do this.
Ah – here’s the best one I worte: “I cannot control my emotions. I cry at everything now. I cried twice watching nightly news. I cried watching a rerun of The Middle tonight. I cried reading a single paragraph about the extinction of the passenger pigeon. It’s kinda funny really, in a weird sort of way. Sort of. Damn Lyme! It’s like the Lyme magnifies my emotions tenfold and I have zero control over it. It’s not sobbing crying, it’s just an abundance of emotion that ends up causing salty liquid to come from my eyes. :)” from https://mytimewithlyme.wordpress.com/2014/09/03/26/
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Thank you for sharing this. Wow. I’m glad to know this is a tegular symptom for many of us!
Just a note, I freaking had a meltdown at my doctor’s office yesterday. I just think it is funny -now…..lol
Oh and love the excerpt of your post above. Perfectly explains the episodes!
I think self-reflection like this can only serve you. It is great you can write your thoughts out like this. Well done and I hope you find a brighter day tomorrow!
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One thing I’ve had mucho time to do is reflect. You are right in that it is helpful. Thanks for stopping in.