Don’t Read This if You Are Grateful for Your Illness

 

 

For the past 3 years, I have been chronically ill. I don’t like it. I don’t embrace it. I don’t want to “make the best of it.” Am I angry? Hell’s yes. Do I focus on the negative a little too much? Damn straight. Can I move past the negative to bathe in the positive? Not today, my friend, not today.

Many of the tools out there available for us to use as support for dealing with chronic illness (or anything else!) are based on positivity. And these tools are wonderful most of the time. But sometimes, I don’t want to be positive. I don’t want to learn positive mantras. I don’t want to hear how much I can “learn” from dealing with a chronic illness. I don’t want to be grateful for every single thing. Every single day. I don’t want to be “grateful” for contracting my illness because it’s brought me to a better understanding of myself. Tuck Fhat!

Now, I am not dismissing the power of positivity and the role it plays in our making the best of the cards we’ve been dealt. But sometimes, I am just plain old pissed off. Aren’t you?  YES, all of the affirmative mantras help. Meditation helps. Quiet helps. But the frustration can build up, even when we are “dealing” appropriately with it day to day. Am I right? Do you feel anger sometimes?

Where does your frustration come from? Me, I get angry when I wait 4 months to see my doctor, and she spends 10 minutes with me. I get discouraged when I have symptoms that I thought were gone for good. I get exasperated when my memory fails me and my brain doesn’t work right. I get outraged by the lack of medical research and treatment options for Lyme. And I get enraged when Chronic Lyme disease is dismissed by the medical community and by the public at large.

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Sometimes, it really does feel good to be MAD. To be infuriated. To be beside yourself and livid. Does it change anything? Not at all. But for me, it solidifies my strength, my willingness to do battle daily, my resolve to overcome.

Do you feel this way sometimes? Please tell me you do. 

Later, my peoples. If you need to punch something, feel free. -B

 

 

25 thoughts on “Don’t Read This if You Are Grateful for Your Illness

  1. cwaugh212 July 10, 2016 / 5:51 pm

    I agree that you need to get angry to bleed off frustration. It can really help, just like tears and crying can help bleed off sorrow you are feeling. These are all coping mechanisms built into the human body. To deny that would be foolish. Get really mad once in a while. Just don’t kick your dog. Kick something inanimate, hurt your toes, and then maybe laugh at yourself just a little bit.

    Liked by 1 person

    • ReadBetweentheLyme July 10, 2016 / 6:20 pm

      Yeah! Exactly!! As long as we don’t wallow in it, I really think it can be productive! Thanks, Charles!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Cezane & Michelle July 10, 2016 / 8:03 pm

    I think i side by you, what i have experienced with anger is that if it is silenced within, it tends to consume you heavily..
    I always think of a way to extinguish my furstration, anger and have found it very difficult to do so. Still tryna find a way though.
    Loved the message though you brought on in this post for that. Cheers dear friend! – Cezane

    Liked by 1 person

    • ReadBetweentheLyme July 10, 2016 / 10:04 pm

      Thanks for stopping in for a visit. I don’t think being angry a lot is productive, but every once in awhile it is a good release! 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      • Cezane & Michelle July 10, 2016 / 10:05 pm

        Indeed.. your welcome, loving my time here ☺ – Cezane

        Liked by 1 person

  3. hughcurtler July 10, 2016 / 11:05 pm

    No question: you need to vent from time to time — or you would have even greater problems!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Harlon July 11, 2016 / 3:50 am

    Thank you for saying what you said. I have my ups and downs with my multiple health challenges. Empowerment, resiliency are all great words, but they are words. People say you the most important thing is your health – but I think only those that don’t have their health understand how it impacts your life. Let it out! You’ve encourage me to do the same! I am on the same page with you! Harlon

    Liked by 1 person

    • ReadBetweentheLyme July 11, 2016 / 10:54 am

      Hi Harlon, it’s OK to be mad, I think! Not all of the time but sometimes, probably after too much internet haha, that the message is for us to move through our illness calmly and with no negative thoughts/actions. Once in awhile, it is OK to get angry! As long as we don’t live there, it is part of the process of acceptance I think. Thanks for stopping in and especially for your input. Loved your Rilke post btw.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Mick Canning July 11, 2016 / 1:34 pm

    A very human reaction. And very necessary to just let off steam occasionally (or often…it’s up to you!).

    Liked by 1 person

  6. chronicmom July 11, 2016 / 3:39 pm

    I definitely get frustrated and angry sometimes. Being positive can occasionally be helpful, but I hate it when people view it as some sort of cure.

    Liked by 1 person

    • ReadBetweentheLyme July 11, 2016 / 6:01 pm

      I don’t succumb to anger very often but this past week has been more than a challenge. I gotta let it out! 😜

      Like

  7. kelseysvantage July 11, 2016 / 4:11 pm

    I feel you there!! Dealing with Lyme (as well as the co-infections…. yikes) is the most frustrating thing I have to deal with. Going from doctor to doctor, going from treatment to treatment; it sucks to say the least.

    Getting a good rant out to someone who listens to me, like my mom (she also has chronic Lyme) and my best friend does help, but sometimes I just get so filled up with frustration and helplessness I tend to have regular breakdowns. Positivity is… a tactic to use depending on the current circumstances in my experience. Personally, I like to exercise building optimism and cynicism and creating a balance between the two since that’s how I look at the reality of things – well, when my cognition is working.

    There’s such a wide range of reactions I have to the stress this illness causes me, but sometimes I’m just so apathetic about it I just don’t care. Makes sense since I’ve been dealing with this for almost half of my life (though it has been suggested I’ve had it my whole 20 years on this planet based on how I have described my childhood, but it really struck me out when I was 13) so, I suppose that’s understandable. Plus, you know, the depression is probably one of the culprits for that.

    Ah, here I am rambling, so sorry if this came out a bit long! Hope you can catch a good day sometime soon ^^

    Liked by 1 person

    • ReadBetweentheLyme July 11, 2016 / 6:05 pm

      Hi Kelsey! Yes you get it. The frustration of going doctor to doctor, treatment to treatment. We really have no real medical support whatsoever. During the daily grind of working I do become pretty apathetic. I think it is a survival skill. I’m sorry that you and your mom are dealing with this but it sounds like you have each others back!!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. bethanyk August 17, 2016 / 10:51 am

    Mad on so many levels! Mad after two years this bear has come back. Mad my finger joints hurt to type. Mad i have to start stevia which causes herxing which i wonder why did i destroy my gut with five antibiotics,antiparasitics for two entire yearsf for nothing when im back to square one with something as tiny as stevia!

    Liked by 1 person

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