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Hitting the Mark
After years of fatigue and physical pain, I still haven’t figured out how to squirrel away any energy for myself and my personal life while I am working. I wish I had like a bank where I could deposit blocks of energy, then withdraw as needed! How awesome would that be! When I feel this way, Guilt stealthily creeps in, the guilt involved with not feeling like a productive partner in my marriage, like an active participant in social events with friends, like an emotional engaged human. I know guilt is self-imposed and controllable, but it is my go to feeling when I am worn out and stressed. No bueno. Trying to play psychological games with myself, every time I feel “guilt”, I am working to replace it with feeling “Grateful” instead. Am I hitting the mark? Who knows.
Yesterday, I started feeling Guilty for not immediately reading a student’s novel she wanted to share with me. I asked her to email it to me for future reading. Realizing the Guilt was moving in quickly, I endeavored on removing the Guilt and replacing it with the Gratitude that this person is willing to share a piece of herself with me. I will read the novel, and I will give feedback. I just couldn’t manage it during my lunch break yesterday. It’s all good.
Do you feel Guilt? Do you feel like you are hitting the Mark?
Peace -B
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2 Comments on “Hitting the Mark”
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Having no energy to do all I used to does make me feel as if I am being lazy, which isn’t the case, then I feel others look at me like I am being a slacker. I have to keep reminding myself that my performance is as good as I can make it and that it is OK.
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You aren’t lazy. Have you spoken to others about your illness? I only ask because at first, I didn’t tell many people at all especially at work. And I felt similarly, like I couldn’t do some things because of my illness. Keeping that inside and trying to do everything I always had done was a lot of pressure and stress I was putting on myself. Honestly, when I started to share with others, it was a relief. Andmost people have been very supportive and understanding. Best wishes friend.
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