Still Chronically Ill

Am I still chronically ill?

I’ve been less focused on writing lately. I can’t quite put my finger on it. Reflecting, I think it is because, well compared to say 2 years ago, I think my health is a bit improved. Honestly, it’s hard to say and hard to measure. But in my mind, and my husband agrees, I am doing better overall. And so, I find that this makes it more difficult to write than when I was much sicker. Weird, right?

I think this is due to my wondering: what can I write about as a semi-sick, semi-healed person that people would actually be interested in reading? If you have any ideas, please let me know!

While so many of my symptoms have all but disappeared, I am still trying to work on insomnia, joint and muscle pain, memory and concentration issues, and fatigue. Sometimes, these wax and wane, although the insomnia issue and the fatigue are cornerstones of this Lyme journey that continue to remind me that I am chronically ill. Oy.

One other issue I am struggling with is actually accepting the fact that I am chronically ill. It was much easier to embrace it and own it when I really felt so very terrible every single day. For years on end. Now that I have some relief, and there are times I can participate in life in ways that haven’t been options for me – again for years – it is much harder to keep in mind that I am in fact, still chronically ill.

My mind likes to play tricks on me, or maybe it is more my body that plays the tricks. An example would be this: I used to have terrible migraines. I had never dealt with anything like this before Lyme disease. The migraines started about 18 months into treatment. And they continued for about 12 months. A good one to 2 a month. Learning to deal with those was only one part of a puzzle I still do not think I have all of the pieces to. And then, they stopped. I haven’t had a migraine for quite awhile. So, one more symptom I don’t have to deal with and I think, hey, I’m ok. I think, I’m so much better off than so many others. I’m making progress. I can’t really say I am chronically ill because, well, I had migraines and now I don’t.

How can I be both better than my worst 3 years ago, or 6 years ago, and yet, still be chronically ill? This is something I am truly trying to figure out for myself. I don’t have an answer. I savor the minutes and sometimes hours I feel better, and I survive through the ones when I don’t.

I hope all of you are doing well and that Thanksgiving was good to you and to yours. Take care. – B

Author: Read Between the Lyme

A Human being most of the time. Diagnosed with Lyme disease in March 2013. My life has changed with this diagnosis and this disease. Taking it day by day with Chronic Lyme Disease, learning as I go! #Livingwithlyme

4 thoughts on “Still Chronically Ill”

  1. Well said. I haven’t felt the need to write blogs for a while as well, that in-between stage is odd and both cruel and a blessing, it reminds you what once you were, gives you hope and frustrates at the same time for the slow progress and the hunting question lingering always in the back of the mind “will I ever get 100% better?” In the limbo of middle land, you’re neither a citizen of the healthy species or one of the obviously ill, you’re just a good looking fantom that lingers about, and in the good days goes and loves life instead of writing about pain. Well…at least that’s how I feel, but I identify with you in this stage:) Lots of love:)

    Liked by 1 person

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