Happy Independence Day, friends! I hope you are well. I can’t complain. I do need to update you on doctor stuff and health in general, but let’s leave that for another day. Today, let’s try and celebrate the good things in America. Let’s make a commitment to do better. Cheers!
and happy holidays to all!
P.S. The photo is what I wish the weather would be today and not the reality. Here this Christmas day, we have a balmy 75. It may reach 80? The air conditioner is on. But the photo is beautiful! 💕
It’s December 12th, heading swiftly towards that blinged-out-commercialized-day of Christmas. I’ve put up a few decorations, the tree, some lights outdoors. The weather has been in the highs of 78-80 this week, but it is now pouring down rain and windy as all get out outside. We finally not only saw the snow geese (Canadian geese); we saw a few flocks of them as well. Supposedly, the weather is turning chilly in the next few days as a cold front creeps its way down here. I’ll believe it when I feels it.
Since my new doctor appointment early in November and since starting on the herbal tinctures as my new treatment, dropping the antibiotics, I actually have felt half-way decent. The fatigue has decreased, the migraines are few and far between, and the nausea is way less. It honestly has been a nice breather from the new normal of suckthelymeville. Thanksgiving break was pretty awesome. I was able to do a few things that I haven’t done in so, so long. It was a real treat!
But I knew these next few weeks would be the real challenge at work. The weeks between Thanksgiving and Winter break. While yes, technically, this is only a span of three weeks, believe me, it feels like six. It’s the end of the semester. Things are coming at teachers from every which way. It is always a tough time of year, but as usual, for me it is breaking me down. I know it did last year as well. I’m not trying to be whiny about it at all. It is what it is. I try to keep in mind that even for normal, healthy people, this time of year is extremely stressful no matter what profession and this helps a bit. But I will say this, by yesterday, I was all played out. All day long, my brain was empty and sore. I couldn’t focus on anything at all for more that a nano second. You laugh, but this is the truth. I tried to be productive. Now, I am laughing!
Today, I feel like a bus hit me. The soreness, the aches, the headache, the beloved (not!) nausea. I haven’t slept well in the past few nights and last night was no exception. Tossing and turning. Laying too long in one position produces pain, this wakes me, I turn over, kind of awake, then the process begins over. The unrestful sleep is killer and is just exacerbating all of the other awesome Lyme stuff. My head is hurting. Not a migraine, but just enough to make my stomach nauseous. I hate this combo of symptoms in particular. It feels like having the flu which is just downright miserable in and of itself. Only with Lyme, you don’t know when it might let up or go away. So, Reality Check.
Guess what, sucker? You still have Lyme disease!
I LOVE to fantasize. About activities, about going places, about projects at home, about eating yummy food without experiencing indigestion. It keeps my mind busy and delighted, it can sometimes distract me from the ugly gloogy gooks rumbling around in my body. And then. Sometimes, I go a bit overboard going so far as to actual Make Plans to do a said fantasized scenario. This rarely works out well. This holiday season, we have two events we have said “yes” to: an open house event and a dinner event. And even committing to these two things were difficult. While I definitely want to go and have fun with people, especially this time of year, I worry so much about getting to that day / evening, feeling terrible and then canceling. Not only is it disappointing for my people, and for my husband, but it is so freaking disappointing for me. The fantasy comes crumbling down, and I’m left with the slap in the face. That realization that I’m still limited. This is Reality.
How is everyone doing out there? Drop a comment or two so I know I’m not alone. Hoping it’s a pain-free day for all! -B
Howdy out there, friends and a big Happy New Year! I can’t lie, it’s been a tough couple of weeks. Coming down with a cold on Christmas Eve and working itself into some kind of bronchitis, I am just now starting to resurface into the land of the living. Seriously. While the holidays were great, I was sick for much of the winter break. And, I barely made it back to work this week; three days out and a trip to the doctor finally has culminated in what I hope to be a complete recovery from this midwinter cold! I hope all of you fared much better over the course of the holidays.
Did I make any resolutions? Not so much. Except this. Health has to come first this year. No matter what. A friend and I were visiting last week, and she asked me what the hardest part of having this chronic disease is, and I really had to think for a minute. For me, the most difficult thing has been this: I am a workaholic or at least I was. Working hard and giving it my all has always been a brick and mortar component of my identity. Working hard and being independent. Learning how to step back a bit, learning how to balance work and home; learning how to say no, or no, I can’t do it? These have been really difficult challenges. In recent months, I have had to, just for survival reasons, take a few things off my plate. Framing this is a positive way to myself is the real struggle for me. I am trying to take it all in strides and to learn as much of what I can about myself as I go through this process.
Have I learned anything thus far? I think so? 🙂 I have learned that NO amount of stubborness and hardheadedness (what a word!) will make something happen if I physically and/or emotionally cannot do it! Ha ha! As if this needs to be learned at my age! But apparently, it does. So that is one thing. What else? Yes, that in fact, the world will not end if I cannot do something or take on another responsibility. And, I have also learned that if I do not answer an email ASAP, nothing will actually catch on fire. Again, I laugh at myself for being a bit anal and uptight this long as far as some of these things are concerned. I have also learned how amazing my support system is and how grateful I am to the people who put up with me each and every day.
If I had to make an analogy, and I will although no one is asking, I would say that for me, dealing with a chronic illness is like the road to recovery. Like AA, or Al-Anon in my case. Here’s what I mean. Every single day has to be taken one at a time. I have to be diligent to not fall off the wagon of gratitude and thankfulness into the pit of depression. I have to keep looking for those little daily gems of awesomeness and learn to enjoy them. The first step in Al-Anon is to admit we are powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable. Instead, I substitute Lyme Disease for alcohol. So, here it goes, 2015. I admit that I am powerless over Chronic Lyme Dis-ease and that my life has become unmanageable.
Damn. That was hard.
Hope this finds you all well and toasty. Peace – B
Hi all, so this may not be the only post about the Holidays. Back in the day, I would almost be ready to go for Christmas at this point in the year. But in these past few years, it has become more and more difficult for me to get motivated to do anything related to the holidays. Here at our house, we celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s.
I’m trying not to dread it, the Holiday Season. Yet, every time I turn around, we are getting closer and closer to that time of year. Thanksgiving wasn’t really that crazy, and honestly, neither are the other holidays really. Our family keeps it pretty low key all the way around, but I am still feeling anxious, I guess. There are just so many expectations involved, and I can barely meet any expectations the rest of the year! I am looking at the holidays as a break from work and time to rest, but that is not what most people have in mind. I know that I should be out visiting family and friends, socializing and having fun but a lot of the time, I am just not up for it. This may sound crazy, but with Lyme, I have experienced sound and light sensitivity along with anxiety. Sometimes, it is a little and sometimes the anxiety is huge. Especially when I am in large groups. There is so much going on and so much stimulus, it just becomes very overwhelming.
But hey, overall, I am just trying to be very thankful for all the love and kindness my family and friends have been showing me throughout this journey and, as for fretting about the holidays? Thems First World Problems, yo.
Sending the sugar plum fairies your way -B
Navigating the nasty mess that is living with chronic illness, keeping in mind the sage wisdom of Lil Wayne ,"Bitch I'm ill not sick," Just out here trying to be the illest.
Chronically Reading
life & love after loss
Where Life Is real.
Backpacking the Pacific Crest Trail and Beyond
Welcome to my crazy world. Life, music, animals and misadventures with my twisted humor leading the way!
Living with chronic pain or disability is difficult. But we can still live, laugh and love, despite pain.
Next Time, At Least Bring Wine
