Tag: neuro lyme

Reporting for Duty

Hello my peoples! Yes, I have been so MIA these past 3-4 weeks, and I will tell you, I miss blogging. Yet, duty calls (code for JOB). Work started back up earlier this school year (as in 10-12 days earlier) and right now, it is taking up almost every spare minute I can manage along with being chronically ill. Although, and I am probably forgetting something major, I feel like this weekend will be a time for me to catch up. (Please, God, please!)

My Post Summer 2016 Life thus far: I am teaching all dual credit (high school/college) freshman composition classes this year, which is very cool, so this makes for approximately 132 students total across the five classes I teach daily. Awaiting my undivided attention in a cubby on my kitchen table are about 110 essays to grade, add to that about 75 online responses to a novel we read..the picture is becoming clear, no?  To my credit, I did grade about 25 of these yesterday along with another 25 responses to another piece. And grades are due this coming Friday. You heard, correctly. And my Gradebook is blank at this moment. I believe, or rather hope, that I am just going crazy right now because, HEY, it is the beginning of the school year, and quite honestly, I blank out when it comes to both the beginning and the closing of any school year every.single.year. Sixteen years later, I should know exactly what to expect.

My Post Summer 2016 Health thus far: My health is holding up ok so far, but I have really been pushing it at every turn, and I know I need to get balanced ASAP, or there will be fallout. Is crying to and from school considered fallout? Maybe. Yeah, so that’s been happening. Not every day, but enough for it to be awkward. And not because I don’t want to go to work or come home; it’s just at certain points in the past 3 weeks, my body and brain just feel soooo overwhelmed and tired that I can’t even have an appropraite emotional response to anything. Mental capacity has shifted into Overdrive, and it is causing memory issues, I know it is the neuro-lyme. Or as stated above, I am just going crazy right now. *Note the key word is “now.” LOLs

The picture above is a perfect visual for how I feel at the moment! (from a really cool website http://www.firstcovers.com). Thanks for hanging in there with me. I promise I will get a decent and somewhat interesting post up as soon as I can get my head above water (please send positive vibes my way that this will happen for me THIS WEEK). As always, I appreciate your stopping in to read and comment. Drop a hello if you can. I’m missing my biggest bloggies fans. Have a fun and safe rest of the holiday weekend. BTW, I can’t get that Counting Crows song, Miami, out of my dang head! 🙂 Peace-B
 When summer opens, I see how fast it matures, and fear it will be short; but after the heats of July and August, I am reconciled, like one who has had his swing, to the cool of autumn.   –Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Just ACT Normal

So for about the past monthish, I’ve been struggling with both fatigue and a weird rash that popped up on my face and arms. Let’s just say it wasn’t fun. But, I’m back on track, the rash is gone, the fatigue hangs in, and we are moving forward into our last week of school.

Being chronically ill with Lyme disease or chronically ill with any other disease means figuring out what one and do and not do on any given day. And while working full-time, my routine is basically, go to work, come home eat and rest. Weekends are for resting. This spring, I have missed several functions due to feeling terrible. You know, like baby showers, dinners, birthday celebrations, hanging out with friends and family. Looking back on this past spring, I think I have  been at a real function maybe 3 times? Now, don’t get me wrong, I am in no way a social butterfly. But still. I definitely try not to feel guilty when I have to cancel, and I try to be good to myself, especially when I feel depressed about having such a restricted lifestyle.

While honesty is the best policy, sometimes it just works better to try and put on the Normal Act. Recently, I was able to attend a celebration. Overall, it was really nice. I also was able to see friends and family that I haven’t seen in quite awhile, so that made it even more awesome. Here’s the thing though, it wore me out. When I get into situations like these (and again, it isn’t very often), I do feel stressed out. Sometimes just talking can be an absolute chore and/or nightmare. And while yes, I am a teacher, and I have to talk a lot in my position, well, it’s hard to explain, but it is different. Worst case, as a teacher, I can wing it because I have experience. Yes, I do have conversations with my students as well, but most of the time his happens, it is usually just one on one without a ton of extra stimulus. It is easier to “act” normal and to be in control of the situation. Not so much at a party.

Sometimes, in a social situation like a party, or something involving many people, I really do my best to “act” normal, to put on the public mask. But it is damn hard. It takes a lot of work. The noise level, the meeting of people, the small talk, the picture taking. Wow. It just overwhelms me. I guess this is due to the neuropyschiatric symptoms of Lyme. One of my strategies to dealing with this kind of thing is I try to switch to auto-pilot. I try not to think too hard. I try to speak in simple sentences. Really, not speaking is the best.While at said party, I forgot someone’s name that I have known for quite a long time, I switched up words, I forgot words. And as my body and brain became more tired, the worse it became.

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However, people can be so very kind. They want to talk to me about how I am doing, how is the treatment, am I making progress, etc. I do indeed appreciate it all. But it can cause a bit of anxiety for me as well. I think it is my cognitive wires getting crossed. So some things that came at me the other day: Have you tried ***treatment?, You look great, you must be feeling better!, Mental health is 50% of overall health, and more. Of course, I want to engage in conversation, I want to interact with others. Yet, this alone takes so much energy. It all just wore me out.

 

On a positive note though, like I said the party was fun, and I was able to rest all day yesterday. I hope you all are enjoying this Memorial Day.

Namaste – Belle

Sleep, Perchance to….?

Hi all, these past few weeks, I’ve been having more issues than usual with sleep. Like getting enough of it. Lyme affects the brain, Lyme encephalopathy, we call it Lyme brain for giggles, and it messes with the brain and the central nervous system. In my case, memory, especially short-term memory, and sleep cycles are giving me hell right now. Since the time went forward at the beginning of march, and we do this again, why? sleeping has been choppy. Also, a few weeks ago, I had to go without one of my sleep aids for about 10 days because the insurance company had to reauthorize it or such. Don’t even get me started on that little fiasco.

 

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image via http://www.linkedin.com  

So, I can go for days where I sleep well, you know, getting in those 8-10 hours of pure bliss. But then things can go array very quickly. Example. Last week due to disasterous flooding in our city, schools were closed all week. Free for all sleeping. No alarms. I tried my best to stay on schedule. Sunday, I forced myself to rise at 5 a.m. the usual work time. Then, I went to bed about 7:30 p.m.! Anyhoo, this is getting boring; moving on. Tuesday night I woke up at 2 a.m. nauseated. Headache. I got up to take something for my tummy and it was all downhill from there. I tossed and turned until my sickly sweet toned alarm sounded. I felt sick all day. It was terrible. Home, chores, rest. Then, I couldn’t sleep. Ugh! Double Ugh! I guess I finally drifted off about 8:45 p.m. Let’s just say I didn’t want to wake up at 3:45 this morning, yet, hello!

I do take some sleeping medications. Believe me, it doesn’t make me happy to take them but it is a necessity. I have to. Before I was diagnosed, sleeping was at best a few hours at a time. Without meds, I wake up every few hours, usually due to joint pain. Without meds, I wasn’t able to get any real deep sleep, and it was a killer. Not sleeping well exacerbates all other symptoms. Anyway, I am hoping that I can get a solid night’s sleep here as soon as possible. Yesterday and today I’m running on fumes. I can’t concentrate; I can’t think. It ain’t good.

If you want to know more about Lyme and how it affects central nervous system (CNS), causing neurologic and psychiatric symptoms, check out a fantastic resource at Neuro-Lyme. It is a great website with tons of information that is also backed by research.

I hope today is a good one in your world. Until next time – B

Proceed with Caution!

Yeah, so this is me right now. Up and down, up and down. Normally, I’m a very steady personality. I do not anger easily. I’m good under pressure and stress doesn’t phase me for the most part. Now, enter Lyme. Neuro-Lyme, specifically. Can someone just say, Stop the Madness?!?

rollercoaster1  And we’re off! When I was first diagnosed with Lyme disease almost 3 years ago, my major cognitive symptoms were short term memory loss, word recall, concentration  (I had NONE), and trouble reading.  All of those have improved over the course of treatment. If I am experiencing intense fatigue or stress, they all will rear their ugly heads. Monsters from the deep, I like to call them!

But probably for the past six to nine months, and uhm, this would be way more if you were to ask my hubby, I have experienced these weird mood swings. I guess they can be comparably to PMS mood swings and yet. Along with the mood swings, sometimes, anxiety comes out to play as well. I honestly can say I have never had anxiety except for maybe right before a huge exam or before speaking in front of a crowd. And I never called these feelings “anxiety.” I just called them stress. When I say mood swings, I mean like minute to minute mood swings. Yes, sometimes the mood swings can take a few hours but then sometimes, not so much. From the outside looking in, these swings really can be “crazy.”  Anyone else have this or had these in the past?

Example. We go to lunch. Everything is ok. We have a nice lunch, and we have cordial conversation. LOL. Then, afterwards, hubs wants to change the oil in my car so we have to go to another small town about 20 minutes away to get the oil. Yes, the joy of living in the country. Hubs asks me with all seriousness, “Are you going to be alright if we make this detour on the way home?” He means can I handle it energy-wise and mood-wise. Well, of course I can!

I’m good. We shop. I look at decorations. I look at shiny stuff. Then, I start getting tired. It hasn’t been a long time from when I first made the decision to go along with the oil shopping trip either. Really, in non-Lyme time,  it has only been about 20 minutes. I’m getting overloaded with stimulus and decision making – I’m trying to find some decorative tins for baked goods. There are a lot of people, a lot of talking, a lot of music. My head starts to feel foggy. By the time we check out, I’m done (and this is less than an hour trip mind you). Some strange time warp happens, and I start acting like a 2 year old who needs her nap. My husband is confused by my behavior, as am I. On the way home – a whole 15 minutes – he’s like, “Hey, I thought you said you would be alright?” Sure thing. Me too! I made a point that I never used to be this way, mood changing faster than the weather, and he agreed.

Overall, yes, the neuro-symptoms are improving but I’m still having these mood swings. Happy one minute, bummed the next. Upbeat and positive, then solemn grumpy pants. Pepper in some anxiety, and presto! Inner Gremlin appears!

So, how many of you suffer mood swings and/or other neuro-Lyme symptoms? And how do you manage these?

Until we meet again……Peace, B

P.S. This site has some solid information regarding neurological symptoms and Lyme.  www.neuro-lyme.com

 

 

 

Netflix is My Friend

Well, it is a beautiful November day here in the south and yes, I did spend a few hours outside. In a heated whirlpool. Pure HEAVEN. I have decided that I need one of these here at the house. I wish!  Anyway, that is a bit off topic. I’ve never been much of  television watcher; my parents restricted it when we were kids, and I am so glad that they did. I learned that a t.v. should not be on unless one is watching a program. Now, in the 21st century, there are televisions everywhere: doctor offices, grocery stores, restaurants, you name it. Honestly, it is so amazingly annoying.

However, I guess I am now an official hypocrite. We don’t subscribe to cable t.v. but man, we [really, Me] sure can watch some Netflix. Netflix rules! I am officially an addict since becoming ill. While I love to read, reading anything for any extent of time often boggles my brain. You may experience this as well. I sit down to read a book, and then about 3-4 pages in, my head starts to hurt, my eyes don’t/won’t focus, and/or my brain just feels very confused and stressed. So I stop. This doesn’t happen all of the time, but enough so that I don’t do it as much or anywhere near as much as I used to. I am hoping that further into treatment, my reading skills will come back to me. My doctor says this is some of the neuro lyme staking its claim. She is confident it will go away in time.

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Anyway, to stop making excuses for myself, once we purchased a smart t.v. about a year ago, it was on. We live in the country so we have satellite internet, but streaming still works pretty well. I am not going to lie. I love being able to watch shows without commercials and whenever I want to for the most part. It really is the one indulgence I have at this point in the game and one I enjoy. I can watch on the laptop, the t.v. or my Kindle. It is Awesome! 🙂  I know it is a form of escapism but for now, I am OK with that. Would I rather be out doing things, or reading, or creating a masterpiece? Why, of course, but right now, I physically cannot do any of those things because of the pain and fatigue. Netflix is kinda my BFF for the time being, I am a tad embarrassed to say!

What is one or two indulgences you partake in since you can’t do certain things like we used to? Don’t worry. We are among friends! No judgement! 🙂

Happy Sunday all you people, -B