You’re Kinda Cool

Howdy out there! In  our neck of the woods, we’re enjoying the 60 degree weather and the World Series brouhaha. We’re also hoping the Astros win!! Fingers crossed.

So, I’m off of all antibiotics now for Chronic Lyme. It’s been about a weekish. In the past 10 days, I have been feeling the fatigue creeping back in. Not drastic by any means, but I can feel its weight. By about 1 p.m. in the afternoons now, I’m pretty much  done and I’m ready to go home and rest. A few nights this past week, I have gone to sleep by 7 p.m. While I’m not noticing a lot of other symptoms, I’m still worried and pensive about not being on medication. I did blood work last Tuesday, so hopefully the results will be back this week and I’ll hear from my doctor. 

I know I shouldn’t worry and that “it is what it is” but easier said than done. It’s hard to find a balance between ignoring and obsession! I am trying to be hyper-vigilant without being a freak. Hmm.

Work is going well. My students are great, and I think we all adjusted after Hurricane Harvey postponed our start for a few weeks. It still feels weird though that Thanksgiving is just 3 weeks away. How did that happen?

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Anyway, being a teacher and one that is chronically ill, 5 performances daily can be extremely difficult (teaching is a demanding job even when one is healthy!). I work hard at projecting an energetic and positive image while in the classroom regardless of how I may be feeling. My audience is 15-17 year olds, and they can sometimes be a very tough crowd, even on a good day! 

But here’s a note I received in my mailbox from one of my students on Friday:

“You’re kinda cool, I guess.”

I literally laughed out loud. Really, this is like receiving an Oscar in my line of work. I’ll take the wins when and where I can get them.

Stay kinda cool, my peeps. Have a great week! – b

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Hurricane Harvey Aftermath

Hi friends! First, I hope you and yours are safe. And second, yes, we are safe! We do live in the Houston area. The past 2 weeks have been surreal. So much has happened and yet, where to begin?

My husband and I did go back to work on August 16th. We both teach in the suburban areas of Houston. On Friday, August 25th, after securing our campuses for the impending storm, we headed home. We honestly thought we might not start school on Monday, August 28th. Little could we fathom what would unfold.

I also have family and friends who live in Rockport, Texas. I lived there myself for many years and attended college in Corpus Christi. Most people I know did evacuate on Thursday. On Friday and Saturday, our focus was on Hurricane Harvey which hit Rockport directly on Saturday, August 26th. We waited for news, and while it rained here most of the day, we weren’t all that worried about our area.

But then Sunday happened. The rain started early and hard. I swear it didn’t let up for 12-14 hours. The water just kept rising. And rising. By 10 p.m. Sunday night, I started to freak out. While we live in a mobile home and it is feet higher than a regular house, there were only a few feet for the water to go before it would start coming in. My husband went out in the driving rain to try to find some higher ground for my car and my mom’s car. People were texting us and we were texting friends checking on them. A few said they were about to get on their roof to try and get rescued. It was a night to remember. Finally, the rain stopped about 1 a.m. 

I’ve never seen a storm like this in my entire life. The rain continued off and on throughout that Monday and part of Tuesday. Luckily, it wasn’t driving rain like Sunday. We heard from friends whose homes were completely destroyed in Rockport. And then the devastion of Houston. There are people today, September 6, just now able to get into their homes to try and demo and clean out the mess. There are so many stories to tell that it is overwhelming.

School was postponed for our students until September 11th. My husband and I have been trying to get out to help people demo houses. We’ve donated supplies and gift cards to people here and in Rockport. But it still doesn’t seem like enough. I keep hearing about friends who have completely lost everything in Rockport. Their house is just gone. It’s all just so very heartbreaking.

Yet, amidst all of this devastation and sadness have been many stories of inspiration and goodwill.  The way these communities have come together to help one another have been nothing short of awe-inspiring.

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I would post pictures but I want to be respectful of peoples’ privacy. Let’s just say that what you may have seen in the news , while accurate, cannot convey the absolute widespread destruction and damage the people of the Gulf Coast have endured over these past few weeks. And this is only the beginning of the journey back.

Anyway, I wanted to stop by and say hello. Yes, after all of the stress and physical labor, some of my symptoms are flaring, but I’m grateful for the energy I do have and for the ablity, however limited, to help others if possible.

Again, I sincerely hope you and yours are safe and healthy. 

Peace. – b

P.S. If you would like to help someone directly this is a great place to do so: EACH ONE, REACH ONE

 

or here:

https://www.youcaring.com/fundraiser-widget.aspx?frid=920324

 

 

 

Heading Back to Work Very Cautiously

Honestly, I’m not sure I wrote about trying to make the decision about whether to continue working or not this past spring.  I am a high school teacher in my 17th year now. This past March, my health and mental health were at the breaking point, and I had to go on a medical leave. That alone was tough. I was out lof work 3 weeks (one week was Spring Break). It was much needed time off to rest and get physically to a less fatigued state, and I was able to make it through the rest of the school year when I returned from leave. 

But taking a medical leave definitely made my husband and I have some serious and challenging conversations about whether I should continue to work or not. We’ve actually been talking about it for a couple of years now. But finances weren’t where we wanted them, savings wasn’t enough, we have a daughter in college….blah, blah. You know it all. Yet, in March, I was so bad, everything was so bad, that those things just weren’t that important anymore. If I had to stop working, we would deal with it. 

And yet. After some discussions with my husband, my family, and co-workers, I have decided to return for this school year. I’m worried though. And I may be putting myself into an awkward position if I have to leave in the middle of the semester or at semester time. I agonize over leaving my students like that, over possibly leaving my colleagues like that – basically in a lurch. But, work told me that I need to do what I can and what I want and if it comes down to a decision such as leaving then I will have to do it, and it will work out.  Bottomline is they would rather have me there for as long as possible then have me resign prematurely. This in itself is a relief of sorts. I know I’m replaceable; it isn’t that. I just don’t want to cause issues for others. Teaching is hard enough when everything is going smoothly!

Once I made the decision to go back, I was excited. Then, I transitioned to feeling freaked out. This summer, my health has improved. I don’t know if it is the new antibiotics I am on or my additional thyroid meds or a combo but it has been a real JOY! Yes, of course, I am off for the summer and so I can rest, etc. when I want, but I’ve been doing this for the past 4 summers and I can tell you for certain, this summer has been different. I’ve had days and weeks of energy levels I haven’t experienced in YEARS. YEARS. 

With this new found improvement in health, I am even more anxious now to return to work. Weird, right? I’m afraid I will lose this feeling, this energy. I’m fearful I will end up feeling so overwhelmed and fatigued that I can’t do anything outside of working (and even that became impossible in March). I don’t want this little victory for my quality of life to go away or be whittled away somehow.

I don’t know how I am going to handle the 8-9 hour days. Many of my physical symptoms have improved but what if I go into a flare? WHAT IF? I know I am making myself silly by worrying about thinsg I have absolutely no control over. I logically know this. I keep telling myself that I just have to take it literally day by day. Step by step. We’ll have to see how it goes. We have a Plan B…kinda.

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Source: pixabay.com

Teachers start back tomorrow. We’ll have a few weeks of professional development and then students are back August 28th. I’ve only ben anxious since Wednesday. Off and On….all of today. The alarm is set, I have my bag packed, there’s not much else I can do, right?

I want to be excited, and I am. I’m beginning my 17th year of teaching, my Awesome department chair gave me the classes I want, the schedule that best suits my health needs, the team I want to work with. There is absolutely nothing to not be grateful afor and about! My biggest WISH is that I am able to complete this school year in a healthy state.

Thanks for reading and for listening, dear peoples. Peace – Belle