The Damn Rash is Back

First, before I start on my rant, I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving! We had a really good day. The weather was AMAZING. No humidity (say what?!?) and the high was maybe 60? Delish. It was just my mom and me and our 10-12 dogs between us. We cooked, talked, cooked, and talked. It was great to reconnect. My husband and step-daughter arrived home from out of state about 4 p.m. and then we got to visit with them and hear about their trip. I hope you and yours had as much joy as we did!

Now, the RASH. Since contracting Lyme (when this happened I have no idea but….), I have had strange rashes. On my legs. On my arms. On my hands. On my face. I had a bout with hives this past summer. I never really figured out why. It’s been since July 2016 that I’ve had a legit rash. And it was very unpleasant. It was under my left eye across my cheek. It was down the left side of my face and under my chin,

It itched so horribly!! My doctor sent me to a dermatologist (since I had just had this rash in April 2016, same place). The dermatologist tested me for skin Lupus and sent me on my way. The test was negative. She gave me some cream which helped the itching but whatever. It lasted about 10 days. 

My out of town LLMD looked at pictures a few months later and stated it was systemic and not caused by anything external, aka Lyme disease. Or maybe a virus that caught me because my immune system is just plain no bueno.

Anyhoo. It’s back. Same rash but it’s under my right eye and on my right eyelid. It itches something fierce, and I am trying my hardest not to itch it! It is miserable! It popped up Friday night and has just spread a bit. It looks like my eye is swollen. Nice. I’ve been babying it and keeping it contained by not touching it (ok, barely!). And, I’m back at work tomorrow! Yippee!! 

 Look, the last few times it has been much worse, but still. My plan is to go to work as it isn’t contagious (we figured this out the past 2 times as well) and hope that it clears up asap. If my eye gets worse or the area gets more swollen, I may have to take a day off, but I am really trying not to do that if at all possible. 

I’ll be honest, the rashes on my face just make me so anxious. Not because of what it looks like but it’s just a constant reminder that Lyme is still lurking. Lyme is still beneath the surface just waiting for any chink in the defense. It’s a reminder that even though I’ve made progress, I still have miles to go. UGH.



Damn rash. 

Wish me luck with this. Have a good week, friends. Be happy. – b


Trust Thyself?

Howdy out there! Well, yes, the Astros won the World Series, folks, and we here in Houston, Texas are celebrating! Good stuff! 

So, just a quick recap: I’m now officially off all antibiotics for a 2nd time now in my 5 years of treatment for Chronic Lyme disease. Sure, lately I’ve been a bit paranoid, wanting to chalk every.single.everything. up to Lyme. I certainly try to keep track of any weirdness or symptoms cropping up. You know, JUST IN CASE.

Lately, I’ve been feeling pretty fatigued in the afternoons. It hasn’t affected my ability to work, but I certainly do not get much of anything done after work. I’m not really noticing too many other symptoms so that is encouraging. There was one day this past week that I had a lot of stiffness and joint pan throughout the day, and it’s been a few months since that has happened. Again, good news.

But, yeah, the fatigue can be scary. Ever since I was so very sick this past March, the fatigue kinda freaks me out a little, I won’t lie. It’s one of those lingering symptoms of Lyme and especially Chronic Lyme. It’s like a shadow that follows me everywhere. I can’t seem to shake it. Even when I was off during the summer, it was always there, lurking. I feel like I have to always be on guard about the fatigue. It swallowed me up whole this past Spring, and I wasn’t sure I would be able to come out of it. Luckily, I did but it certainly wasn’t a given. Fatigue is stealthy and ninja-like too. It comes on slowly but quickly too and before you realize it, the fatigue takes over everything.

When I’ve been in the dark depths of this illness, in the pit of the chronic fatigue, the pain, the headaches, nausea, there have been times where I have actually doubted my own sickness. What I mean is, there have been times when I have questioned whether if I am really sick. I’ve  thought: maybe I am just  lazy? Maybe I just don’t want to work or maybe I just don’t like my job anymore?  Maybe I was sick, but I’m not anymore? Maybes, maybes. Why would I even question myself like this?

I think some it has to do with being ill for so long. I’m not sure. It took several years if feeling sick to get a correct diagnosis and then, in my case, even when I began treatment, I did not see any real progress in feeling any better for many years. I am sure there are many out there with chronic illness that sometimes doubt themselves. PLEASE DO NOT DOUBT YOURSELF, EVER.

Of course I am sick! In fact, I can almost remember the very day I realized something wasn’t right in my body and that was in November 2009. Then it took almost 4 more years and at least 8 doctors to get correctly diagnosed with Lyme disease.

I know it’s utterly illogical to think otherwise. Whenever I have a little more energy and if I feel a little better, I am doing things I haven’t been able to do in a long time. It’s so stupid to blame myself formy  physical ailments. And yet. Those thoughts have crept in from time to time. Perhaps it’s some sort of weird coping mechanism? I’m not sure. 

But now that I have a reprieve from a lot of the symptoms, I know that these doubts were silly. I have to keep reminding myself to trust my gut and to trust my instincts. They haven’t failed me yet. In fact, they are what saved my life. 

Here’s a tidbit from Ralph Waldo Emerson’s essay “Self-Reliance” (we have been studying this in class and seems relevant. Maybe not, but I like it LOL):

“Every man discerns between the voluntary acts of  his mind, and his involuntary perceptions. And to his involuntary perceptions, he knows a perfect respect is due. He may err in the expression of them, but he knows that these things are so, like day and night, not to be disputed. All my wilful actions and acquisitions are but roving;— the most trivial reverie, the faintest native emotion are domestic and divine.”

And also Emerson says “Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string.”

That’s exactly what I intend. 

Have a happy week, friends. – b